If you read last weeks blog then you will know all about Patrick. If you didn’t then it’s probably a good idea to go back and read about what a pleasant person he is. You can do that here 

Warning. There will be some cursing in this weeks post.

The cursing is pretty much all aimed at Patrick. If you reckon you can handle the “f bombs” click on through. 
I used to like Patrick. I used to think he was a nice guy. “I’m a swimmer” I remember him telling me the first time we met and I thought “I’m a triathlete, I can get along with a swimmer” But as I’m swimming along writing this blog in my head all I can do is curse him.

This is my fourth session with him in a week and they’ve all hurt like fuckery.

We started out last Monday and did 1200m main set (you could replace main set with pain set) in a 3k swim. Thursday we did 1400m main/pain set in a 4k swim. Today was 1500m of puke inducing suffering in a 3k swim.

He thinks I don’t know what he’s doing but I’m onto him. I know that he’s lengthening the “pain part”

The fucker.

Today’s session for those of you interested in the numbers was 2×300 2×150, 2×50, 100 easy, then as an added bonus 5×100 as hard as I can go.

I actually coped sort of ok for the first 2×300 coming in at 4:58 for the first 300 meters and 5:05 for the second. I haven’t gone below 5 minutes for 300m long course in four years, so in between the almost puking I was quite happy with myself. I got through the 150’s and the 50’s when Patrick sprung his usual surprise of 100 easy backstroke instead of some nice poolside recovery.

I was ready for it this time and pushed off, flipped over and backstroked my way down the pool gradually regaining my breath. The one positive of being really shite at backstroke is that it takes me about twice as long as Patrick to do a length so I’m sort of recovered by the time I get to turn at 50m.

Patrick however was not impressed at my slow assed attempt at backwards swimming and told me to hurry the fuck up for the remaining 50m. Suitably chastened I swam harder but somehow didn’t actually go any faster. Go figure…

Patrick being old school uses the pool clock and I was messing with his timing by going so slowly. He reckoned I should just swim faster and that would sort out me being so shite. Ah so that’s what I was doing wrong. I just need to go faster.


I’m dying here.

He then said we were going to do 5×100 full gas off some almost nonexistent recovery. I thought I would have a little cry but didn’t have enough time before he was gone and I was frantically scrabbling to get some sort of draft on his rapidly disappearing feet.

These did not go well. I got through the first one in a somewhat respectable time but started to completely fall apart through the rest of the set. I was surprised by a little puke on the third interval which I forced back down so as not to pollute the pool.

Although thinking about it now maybe I should have let rip with it. Patrick probably deserved some sort of karmic punishment like swimming through a cloud of early morning espresso puke for knocking the shit out of me again.

By the time I was on the last interval I had fallen apart so badly that I was going slower than I had done in the warm up and I was still struggling to hold back the urge to vomit.

Wait till I get that fucker on a bike. He’s so dead.

Monday 29 1:10 (1)

Swim 1:10 3000m

Session with Patrick. See above for session notes.

2×300 2×150, 2×50, 100 easy, 5×100


  • 300’s: 4:58, 5:05
  • 150’s: 2:34, 2:36
  • 50’s: :47, :49
  • 100’s: 1:31, 1:37, 1:40, 1:45, 1:47 (See the falling apart bit I mentioned above)


  • Energy 7/10
  • Motivation 8/10
  • Work 5 hours
  • Sleep 8 hours

Tuesday 30 :55 (1)

Swim :55 3000m

This was 3k straight through 54:25

Splits at 1, 2 and 3k 18:14, 17:58, 18:13 I was very happy with the pacing for this swim and the fact that I was 2 minutes 20 faster than when I did a 3k straight through a month ago. Looks like Patricks perverse torture is working…

  • Energy 7/10
  • Motivation 7-10
  • Work 8 hours
  • Sleep 8 hours. Broken

Wednesday 31 —


  • Energy 7/10
  • Motivation 7/10
  • Work 10 hours
  • Sleep 8.5 hours. Good

Thursday 1 1:30 (1)

Swim 1:30 4000m

Patrick wanted me to start tumble turning which went well sometimes but not so well at others All the tumbling seems to mess with my internal compass and I’m just as likely to shoot off the wall and into the next lane as I am to point myself straight back down the lane and go in the correct direction.

If I’m honest it’s actually really good to have someone forcing me to do all of the things I just won’t do on my own. Ais has done it for me for years with my training and racing plans. If I was to write the sessions myself I know I’d skip out on the hard stuff and just do the things I enjoy. Having Ais checking up on me afterwards has kept me honest with the training.

Having Patrick do the same for me on the swim gets me way out of my comfort zone and forces me address the things that I’m lazy about.

Everyone should have their very own Patrick.

Here’s some of the fun things he has me doing this week.

  • Full gas intervals off really short or non existent recovery. It can’t be overstated how unbelievably unpleasant this is.
  • Tumble turns
  • Back stroke
  • Swimming really hard. Hard enough that I get a second taste of the mornings coffee as it comes back up half way through the set.
  • Getting in the open water and staying in well past the point of being comfortable.
  • Doing a hard swim and then doing another 1200m extra so that I get up to 4k for the session.


  • Energy 7/10
  • Motivation 8/10
  • Work 10.5
  • Sleep 7 hours, broken.

Friday —


  • Energy 5/10
  • Motivation 5/10
  • Work 10 hours
  • Sleep 6 hours poor

Saturday —


  • Energy 3/10
  • Motivation 3/10
  • Work 8 hours
  • Sleep 5 hours poor

Sunday —


  • Energy 5/10
  • Motivation 6/10
  • Work 6 hours
  • Sleep 9 hours. Good

Weekly total hours / sessions 

Total 3:35 (3)

Swim 3:35 10000 (3)




Total hours / sessions for May

Total 56:10 (39)

Swim 36:00 35600 (16)

Bike 33:55 783.5 (12)

Run 8:25 91k (8)

S&C 1:05 (3)

If you’ve made it this far you’ll realise that there was very little training done this week but work was mental. I was in 7 days and did 60 hours so I decided not to fry myself. You can see the energy and motivation levels were on the floor by the weekend so even though I had intended to do a session on both Saturday and Sunday I skipped out on both.

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From smoker to back of the pack triathlete to the Ironman World Championships.

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